?

I have no title, I have no thoughts, I have nothing.

It's a blank. lol

Well, guess that's not totally true, I do have thoughts, but think I'll keep those to myself.

My diet has went pear shaped, can't seem to get my head around it anymore.
I'm not giving up though. I'm hoping after our hols, I can get back into it.

I can't seem to get out of the funk.

Pain, no sleep, everything just seems to be beating at me, like it's a moth flying around a light and keeps running into it and beating at it with it's wings.

It's like your in quicksand and you can't struggle, it's just all pressing in around you, you trying to walk thru deep mud and it gets so the mud weighs you down and you can't lift your feet anymore to walk.

Even the air feels heavy.

I know this is crap, I know in my head that this is just a fibro thing and it will go away, but it still feels overwhelming.

In one of my fibro support groups, one of the women died.
She took her own life. She couldn't take the pain and weariness any longer.
On one hand, I know exactly how she felt and why she did it, I can totally understand it.
But on the other hand, I can't imagine coming to that decision.
It's scary when half of you understands and can see it, but half of you can't.

When does one half take over the other half and how deep in the quicksand do you have to be?

In my head, I know that her situation was different from mine, in that she lived in the US, and couldn't afford her pain pills or some of her other meds, or couldn't afford to go to the doctor when needed.

In my head, I know that I have everything I need to fight this, I have an amazing doctor who not only sees me when needed, but comes to my house when the pain is to much, and takes it away.
And I have all this free, at my fingertips.
What makes me more special than her? Why didn't she deserve to have what she needed?

That could have been me.

In my head, I know the difference, but in my heart, it's not so clear.

Okay, Netster, see what happens when you want a post! lol

It's time for my carer to arrive, to fix doodles his lunch, another thing that someone has to do for me.

How much has to be taken away before you become a blob? a non entity? a bump on a log? something with no shape, no form, no texture, a nothing?

okay, I'm gonna get off here, think I've said way to much, as usual!!

Teach you to ask me to blog! lol

love ya netster!